Note: I no longer blog here, and have not posted here since the mid 2010's. (😱) Please check out the homepage, which probably has links to more recent projects, photography, and (perhaps someday) writing. Below is the original content of this post:

Supposed Meaning

I remember saying some time ago that inhibition and knowning too much (as opposed to childhood ignorance/innocence) is killer. That if I could forget the things I learned and be totally new and stuff to everything, I'd be a much better person.

That "childhood ignorance", that don't know, don't care attitude over things in life, more innocent than cavalier... It's a good state to be in, because you really start to take in everything that you come across, you know? Like moving here for the first time, that was one of those new-ignorant states of mind, getting to know everyone and stuff. Totally out of my comfort zone, and yet, (in hindsight,) I enjoyed every minute of it.

After spending my first semester in college getting to grips with what I really want to do and who I am and what's best for me, I've also come to notice a lot of big changes in other people as well. Plenty of people who said they wouldn't drink... Now drink frequently, sometimes even in the middle of the week. I've seen people's childhood innocence sort of disappear as they grow up rapidly in this new environment, away from their childhood sanctuaries, into this contemporary real world.

Maybe I can think of this semester as the cocoon that separated us from young adulthood. But that'd discount all of the progress that happens all the time--back in high school, or even after this semester.

I mean, even without that, I can say at the very least that this semester definitely brought about fast changes in some of us. I know changes are hard to notice even if you're looking for them. It's easier to look for them in hindsight, though, as the sum of all changes.

I've often thought about why people do the stupid things they do, why people do things so blatantly against the law or against reason as to be called insane. I've thought about this more and more these days. People love getting drunk, and while I drink on occasion I don't seem to treasure drunkenness as much as other people. Maybe it's more of an issue of having to let go of yourself to really appreciate yourself. To maybe become someone you aren't for just a little bit, you know, because being totally the same is boring. ;p

Maybe it's what people keep telling me about life, that you should put some balance to it, that you should add some variety. Too much of the same thing requires a drastic bout of randomness now and then.

People do drastic things, people do crazy things, people like going and getting drunk and other things for a change, people want to get rid of that inhibition and return to ignorance. To not care the way you normally do. To become someone else, I guess.

Bah. 4am and this is the longest serious thing I've written in months. It's funny because I know at heart that everything I'm saying right now means absolutely nothing in the long run. It's just another distraction.