Shitness. I was in bed, trying to go to sleep, and then I had a thought hit me that I just had to write upon.
I think about her all the time, you know. I was thinking about when I saw her on Friday and stuff, and I was like "Yeah, get some sleep. Just remember what you're planning for the next few days--just remember what's important." What was that? I was thinking about the birthday present and just what I had planned.
Then another thought hit me--this is the one I'm expanding upon. Why was I so fixated on getting her a gift? Why did everything need to be perfect? What is it with me trying to make her happy all the time?
--Before my next move, let me quote this snippet, part from a chatlog part from a blog.
Chris: I'm gonna blog this convo, if you don't mind.
Me: Not a problem.
Chris: Because unlike some people, I try to consider how other people might feel if I did something like that.
Anyway, he has a blog as well and has this gay habit of frequently pasting what I IM him in his stupid entries, without even asking if I'm ok with it. This becomes a problem as I usually talk about personally stuff with him.
And now I continue my fine tradition of being open. Maybe I'll change my mind and remove it like the September 10 post. Or not. Right now, it's part of my point, and I'll keep it. If you read this sometime later, and find that this post isn't here, then you speak not a word--I've just changed my mind like I always do.
Megan: *I've been re-thinking the "love" thing
Megan: okay......this explaination is gonna be odd
Megan: don't take anything offensively
Megan: i'm not saying I'm in love with you, because I don't believe in love
Megan: but I can't think of any explaination for my girly girl, lets cuddle and talk about how much we adore each other, crap
Megan: its not something I do, I don't understand why I suddenly am
Megan: and I can't stop
Megan: I'd chalk it up to petty infatuation
Megan: but I'm kinda hoping its not just gonna be one of those things where we eventually just stop caring
Megan: I dunno.....I'm very anti-love...but I dunno what to think....lol
"But I can't think of any explanation". The question was "What is it with me trying to make her happy all the time?"
Love is like n/0 (divide by zero)--it's totally undefined, intangible, and impossible to grasp.