I haven't blogged or at least typed up thoughts in forever, so here's a chance to start something anew.
I can't sleep. I don't want to as long as I've got these thoughts in my head and an opportunity to do something with it.
I'm always concerned for her, because she's stressed and frustrated about school. I've got it so damn easy, that I also feel guilty that I can't say or do much to make her feel better, except for generalized statements or distractions from work. She's concerned for me because I'm the one that's driving, and it's all me and my family doing the work at the moment. She's guilty because she can't do anything about it at the moment, and she's concerned because of the risks involved with me driving down I-270 every weekend or so. And her parents won't drive her as often as my parents will.
She broke up with Andy, with little fanfare. (Except a little joking around from her friend Matt.) So we're kinda officially together now, I guess. I still can't believe that I'm the cause of this situation. Even though deep in my mind, I think I probably liked her first. Let's play upon that note.
Back at MSA, at the Alumni Day Dance, she was all excited to have Andy around and spend time with him. I let her have her time, and I was pretty contentious and respectful of them, I guess. Part of me was jealous or something. It's that part that envies someone who has something you want but can't have. Some sort of random thing struck my heart that night.
Later that week, we had the night under the rain, if I remember correctly. (Might have been the prior week.) Megan said she liked me kinda throughout MSA, but that was the one moment when it hit her, and she realized she liked me. I don't know when it hit me. But somehow, it only glazed the surface of me, and I avoided it as much as I could. I ended up liking her as a friend at the end of MSA, and we promised we'd keep in touch.
Boomba hey, a month and such later. Pre-reunion. I randomly brought up the idea that I could carpool some of us down to Columbia, because it'd be fun and conservative. Oh sure, we joked around about how she'd cuddle on my shoulder and whatnot. But that night, when she laid her head down on my shoulder and slept, and held my arm like a pillow of sorts.... Aye, that has to be probably the moment that it hit me that I liked her. She even recalls little things from that night, like how Kenny wanted to wake her up to call home because we were almost at the Zoo, and I was like "Nah, give her a little longer." She wasn't that asleep after all, eh? It's really odd because I didn't really think anything of it and forgot about it, until I spoke about that night with her. I really don't think anything of my politeness and caring kindness stuff; it's who I am, and I really don't notice, because on most occasions, I don't really go out of my way to do it.