Where have I been? Everywhere and nowhere.

Okay, fine, seriously. It's been life, as usual. When was the last update of this thing? November? First week of December? Anyway. I'll start with an odd dream I recall having last night, since I usually forget dreams before I wake up. To start, let me note that I ended last week with a cold/sore throat, and some sort of allergy attack with the cats around the house in my cousin's house in Kentucky. (More on Kentucky later.) I've been continuing having allergy attacks or whatnot the past few days. This has consisted of mostly my eyes tearing up uncontrollably throughout the few days I've had this going on. My nostrils get blocked off, my eyes sore, my face dry from the wiping of tears, and my entire body miserable. Also, I got about 2 hours of sleep the night of Thursday-Friday, and about 5 the night of Friday-Saturday. Last night was the first full sleep I've gotten in days. Anyway. On to my dream description.

School. Apparantly somewhere resembling Hazelwood Junior High, which I went to for 7th-8th grade. (I'm in 10th grade now. The school's somehow been renamed Hazelwood Middle School this year.) Class. Looks like an English class of mine, which has a teacher bearing resemblance to one of the English teachers I had this year. Room resembles the classroom of Invader Zim, in which the door is located on the front-right, if you're sitting in a desk, and that the desks are in rows, and that the chalkboards are placed along the front and right walls with windows on the left. The actual design reminds me of somewhere else. (Boston Public?) I've forgotten some details about the early parts, but I'd been pissed off by something. (I knew it was good stuff when it happened, though. You'll just have to make some guesses, as I really really have lost it. My educated guesses are something about "the system", or something about someone else. And before you tell me to get on with it, I'll continue.) I was pissed. Started pushing people, fighting, or something. Was yelling at the teacher, too, IIRC. The next part, which I thought was most amusing, was when I picked up this glass tabletop (tabletop and table, resembling this one table I have at home.), and threw it at the feet of the teacher and other students. Teacher was shocked for a moment, then started yelling at me some more. I just went on about like, "Screw this," and went straight to the principal's office for the punishment. Can't exactly remember what happend then.

Later, I remember walking to the lunchroom, just to tell my friends about it, because apparantly, I couldn't get a ride home, or get the principal to discuss with me or something. A teacher (same teacher as classroom?) walks down the hallway by me, and tells me just to go home and think about it, and get some rest. Finally, I remember walking outside the school, on the way home. (Which at this point, the "dream school" was placed externally where my current High School is, and not where the Middle School is, which is what the interior resembles.) I stared up at the sky and thought for a second about getting suspended, like I did, once before. The sun was bright, the clouds were few along the beautiful blue sky. I woke up.

Not exactly conclusive, or interesting, actually. I forgot so many of the details. But, the fact that I did get extremely pissed, and the fact that as I was pondering school suspension gives me a few little things to work with. I've always been a believer of the fact that dreams are something your subconcious is thinking about or trying to say. I'd been suspended in fifth grade, for doing some work with stink bombs. I was never really actually the person planting it, but the one planning and supervising it. There's my suspension/discipline link. I believe I have a really bad temper, if I've crossed my lines. I'm an intelligent person, and try to stay within calm reason at all times. But, in my blood, there's been hypertension (high blood pressure), and short tempers in the family. The few times I can tell you I've been really really pissed, have led to pretty bad results, but I've never been disciplined for them in school. I've got friends who could tell you, in elementary school, if I got pissed, I got pissed. I don't know kung-fu or martial arts, regardless of what everyone else thinks (not every Asian does, you asswipes), but I've been known to completely come out, with punches, and kicks to the stomach, groin, and face. I throw things. Use anything as a weapon. Use anything to my advantage. I've got a fast mind--I can think on my feet well enough. My friends know I can kick ass if I really really crossed the line. It's been one of my fears. Crossing the line.

I've crossed the line, mentally before. Cold Winds Clan was full of trouble when I couldn't hold my temper back with my typing full of words and anger. Hacking and other dirty tricks were used at my disposal. And I still never really "won" the war(s). It wreaked havoc on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I fear crossing the line. Whenever I've been depressed, I've written about how much I hate humanity overall. How much I believe that sentience and being able to think for yourself is some sort of mistake. How evil grows in every heart. I fear crossing the line, because I think that I might end up plotting against humanity in the future. I've designed small little plans against the earth and the human race before. But if I crossed the line and never came back, I think I'd actually be able to do some sort of damage. I have the brain power and connections to be able to plan something horrible, and hide the plans while I'm at it. That's the fear. Doing some sort of evil. Losing hope and faith in myself, God, and other people. But at least, I've seen good people come up around me. That increases my faith and hope. But, seeing people disrespect me, disrespect others, disrespect themselves... That brings me one step closer to that line. Which I fear crossing. That's what I think my subconcious was thinking about. A combination of pieces of a possible future (evil), coupled with my past (school suspension). Strange links? Dreams aren't meant to be taken literally. I think.


Anyway. On to... Lighter things. I've been busy, getting myself to be busier later. The PLAN test, which is a pre-ACT/career finder test for Sophomores, shows that I've been pretty damn smart. IIRC, I scored in the upper-twenties, out of thirty-six. Top .5% of the Sophomores of my school, but that doesn't say much when I know half the people in my grade have a 5th grade reading level. I'm not even joking that my school is full of unintelligent people. So anyway. PLAN test. The school gets the result (I still haven't gotten the results, officially), and I'm eligible to go to the Missouri Scholar's Academy, which is a 3-week summer program, for smart people, to use their potential to the fullest. I'm stoked, as I rarely ever get to actually work my mind to my full potential, and I've never really been that social before, and it could be kinda cool. I've got to take an IQ test, so I take it on Friday the 13th, which is probably my favorite day of any month that has one. I end up with a 132 IQ (1 standard deviation above normal), which is 98%+ of the human population. Nice. Now I find myself with this lenghy application form, where I've got to write two essays about certain things like "a topic that affects your community" and such. Need to make myself look like a good person for these people that see the applications. I'm scored to go into the MSA by a combination of my GPA (like, 3.8-something, I think.), PLAN test score, IQ test result, essays, and other parts of the application (that are filled out by the guidance counselor; parts about me personally, if I'm a good leader, etc.). Wish me good luck, and if you wish me enough luck, don't expect to hear from me between June 8-28, 2003. ^_^

Okay. That's what school was. December 20th was my last day of class, having had finals from the 18th-20th. On the 21st, my family and I left for Kentucky, to my relative's house. My Uncle Reny (dad's brother), Aunt Janet, and cousins Kenny, Chrissy, Dawn, Louraine live there, although Chrissy, Dawn, and Louraine moved out already. Kenny's twenty-two, IIRC, and an avid old-school gamer (13 different game systems in all, mostly pre-32bit; has at least 300 games), and still lives around there. Chris, my cousin of whom you've probably heard was there, as were a few other relatives. Basically, every single living sibling of my dad's, except one of his brothers, was there. (That made it like, 5 or so of them, and their families.) Full house. ^_^

Chris and I played some River City Ransom, which was probably the coolest Action/Adventure game of the 8bit days, and tried to learn how to Ollie on my skateboard. Chrisness time comes around, and we've got a white Christmas. W00t. I end up getting $170+, a shirt, some CDs, some gift cards (EB and Toys 'R Us), and other cool things for Christmas. It was good overall, and I can't really describe the whole 5-6 day thing really well, aside from that. It was fun, until the end, when I didn't take my allergy medicine that last day, and the cats ended up triggering my allergy symptoms, which still haven't stopped. (It's been 3 days, I think.)

I'm near Atlanta, Georgia right now, in the house I stayed most of the 4th of July time during the summer. I still remember Tasha, ("that one girl I met during summer and haven't seen since,") and the other people I met and the stuff I did. The people who live here, my dad's old classmate and her husband, now do some sort of furniture business. They've just ordered some sort of server thing, and I'm most likely going to do their site, which'll be my first official client. Seriously, this is sooo stoking me out. I upgraded their old dinky computer and hooked up a phone line for temporary internet access for right now, which is why I'm writing some of this. (Besides the fact I'm bored.) I'm ending up getting paid, although I'm not sure how much. I'll probably also figure out some sort of possible monthly payment for my webmaster work on their site, if I ever get a chance to do their site.

So that brings me up to now. I took some sort of antihistamine earlier today, which helped those allergies. I'm in Dacula, Georgia at the moment, which should be hella close to where Jon, aka "Quicksilver", lives (Gainesville, GA). If you're one of those active readers, and head to chat, ask him how close Dacula or Gwinett County is to his place, and where he lives. I've been writing for 50 minutes. I haven't been on a computer this long for about a week and a half, and it's funny how the past hour has been almost all word processing. I might as well be using the typewriter I see sitting next to me on the table in this small home office, although that wouldn't help the blog much. I'm bored and I've got nothing else to say. This is officially the longest entry so far. It ends now.

Life. Something that a ton of people I know would have very little experience in. Hunched over their keyboards and such for the entirety of their freetime, they have nothing going for them except the future, and use the present having effortless high marks at school, and do nothing else but waste their time away with entertainment.

Love. In general, it changes people. It can blind and confuse, twist and abuse the strongest people. Driving people to the point of blind rage and evil. In it's purest, truest form, it creates bonds that cannot be broken by human means. Not every one experiences love, but most have some form of bondage to someone or somethign in their life. Very few experience true love.

I stand here at a crossroads of my life, looking back on childhood, and forward to the future, and I'm not sure what the significance of where I've been and where I am is. Life's gotten simple, but yet, I'm not like everyone else. I stand generally as a loner, whilst still keeping friends in school. I'm social, but only to those I've known, or when there's no other options. I'm a slacker, but yet a great achiever. But I'm still waiting it out.

I'm living life to the extent where I feel like I'm not wasting my time; not yet, at least. I go to the mall a ton more frequently than quite a few people I know. I sitll play that old backyard football once in a while, and I've been known to sprint pretty fast.

I haven't loved, but I'm still waiting to find someone to truly relate to. Maybe I've found that person and don't know it. Maybe I passed up my shot. Maybe it's yet to come.

Life isn't as simple as it seems. Something inside me tells me I'm missing something. The only thing I find now that I'd had before was a motivation. A thing to dedicate my all to. The last time I had it was the biggest mistake I think I had in recent times. Maybe keeping it simple, quiet, and calm is better. I'm just riding out these winds.

Randomosity Tuesdays, Seriouslak

Indeed. I suddenly realized how bad having my mind blank after a Monday NIght Football Game is. No joke. It took me two and a half hours to figure out how to start a little math problem I could've and should've had done in like no more than 3 minutes. Seriously. Seriously indeed.

What's just as bad as losing my mind is losing my groove. Like, my usual daily patterns. I live off of having a routine. And this just threw me off, when I realized I'd put this off too long. (I mean, I had a week to work on this Honor's Problem thing, and it's only 2 problems long.) The fact that MNFootball and I'd forgotten most of this material from last year, only made things worse.

About a week and a day away from getting my well-deserved 4-day weekend. And then it's uphill to Christmas. School started early this year, so it's like, the end of the semester even before Winter Break. Which means 1) finals right before Christmas (good or bad thing....depends) and 2) no finals or projects over Winter Break for me to forget about and scrape together at the last moment. (Definitely good thing.)

Well, I'm tired. I'm out.

Live For The Moment, Die Another Day

[[Listening To: Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean (Full English Version from Kingdom Hearts, End Cinematic)]]

Anyway. Been working on comic recently. Haven't done anything that amounts to anything with the comic, just yet.

Done the school thing, having hell with homework and such recently. Sleeping habits aren't so cool either. (I'm one of those guys who N33DS like, 9 hours of sleep.) So I've been fighting off a Monday Night Football Hangover most of the day. lol. Go Rams.

Before I lose more of my focus, I'll just say that I'm probably gonna get a webhost soon, from a good friend of mine. One that's hopefully a ton bettar than this crappy Keenspace thing that rarely, if ever, works. So that's more or less that. I'm planning ot use the existing Keenspace "autokeen" script to run the system, and/or modify stuff to make my own, and I'll probably have the 5w33tn355 up soon. If we're still working on the comic by then. Worry not, I'm on the prowl.

[[Playing: Kingdom Hearts]]
[[Listening To: Paul Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise]]

Kingdom Hearts. Must play. Don't feel like saying anything. I'll rave about KH sometime later, when I give up trying to kill Riku.